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EP 139 Why the Empty Nest Is a Mission-Driven Season with Suzy Mighell

What happens after the kids leave home?

In this episode of the Mission-Driven Mom Podcast, Audrey sits down with Suzy Mighell, founder of Empty Nest Blessed and Empty Nest Blessed: 60 Days to Finding Joy in the Empty Nest. It's available HERE.

Together, they explore why the empty nest isn’t a destination—it’s a dynamic season of growth—and how women can move from loss and uncertainty into clarity, peace, and mission. Suzy shares the wisdom she’s gained from more than a decade of walking alongside thousands of women, as well as practical guidance for parenting adult children, releasing unhealthy expectations, and rediscovering who you are beyond motherhood.

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Get Suzy’s Book

Empty Nest Blessed: 60 Days to Finding Joy in the Empty Nest. It's available  HERE.

(Available in hardcover, ebook, and audiobook)

Connect with Suzy Mighell

AI Generated Transcript

Welcome + Introducing Suzy

Audrey: Welcome back to the podcast. We have a treat for you today. I’ve got Suzy Mighell with me, and you’re going to find out what an incredible woman she is, because the more I get to know her, the more joy it is. She is the mother of Empty Nest Blessed.

Suzy: You said I was the mother of Empty Nest.

Audrey: The author. Yes. The author of—

Suzy: I feel like I am its mother. I did birth it.

Audrey: Yeah. The author of 60 Days to Finally Enjoy the Empty Nest. So we’re going to get into that. We’re going to talk about her experiences training parents. We’re going to talk about how she found her call as the mission-driven woman that she is, and other great tidbits.

So if you’re new to the podcast, loop back and listen to some of those beginning podcasts so that you can better understand the frame of reference. Here we’re talking about the seven laws and how you can be a more mission-driven individual, so take advantage of that.

So grateful to have you and ready to dive in and talk to Suzy. So, Suzy, just give us a little bit of introduction—things that you would like us to know about you.

And we’re going to dive deeper, but just give us an introduction: where you’re at in life, and something a little bit about you and your family.

Suzy’s Introduction: Family + Calling

Suzy: Okay. Well, first of all, I am such a fan of yours, and now we’re firm, fast friends.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: And I’m so grateful. We are kindred spirits. We are so aligned, and I’m grateful. It’s such an encouragement to find the women that—there—that mission-driven mindset. And I even love that term: mission-driven.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And I’ve actually—I’ve plagiarized it. Is it copyrighted, Audrey?

Audrey: No. It probably should be.

Suzy: It should be, because I have—I actually used it on a TV show last week that I was on. I hadn’t met you yet, but I knew that I was coming on here, and really I was talking about helping women in the empty nest really be mission-driven and finding their purpose.

Audrey: That is awesome.

Suzy: All your time.

Audrey: That just shows you how aligned we are.

Suzy: So, that’s awesome.

Audrey: We are, we are so aligned. Yeah.

Suzy: Well, my name is Suzy Mighell, and I have been an empty nester for 10 years. I live in Dallas, Texas with my husband. We met at Baylor University and married not long after graduation. We’ve been married 38 years, and we have three grown children, two daughters-in-law—which, by the way, I’m a writer. I used to say “daughter-in-laws,” but it’s actually “daughters-in-law.”

Audrey: Daughters-in-law, yep.

Suzy: Trivia. And I have two precious grandbabies under three—a boy and a girl. And I have two crazy grand-dogs all in the same family with the two children, so they need a lot of help when we’re available.

And then my youngest is a daughter. She is single and precious. And so, yes—so that is us. Bob and I have been married, as I said, 38 years.

I have always been involved in discipling women, teaching women, speaking, sharing my story, encouraging. I thank God I knew early on that even before the love languages were, like, a thing, God had given me the gift of encouragement.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: I do think the biblical term “exhortation” is deeper and richer than just encouragement. I think it encompasses inspiration. I hope it encompasses persuasion—exhortation, encouragement—all those things. So I really see myself more as an exhorter than an encourager.

Becoming an Empty Nester: Listening and Obeying

Suzy: When I became an empty nester 10 years ago—took my last child to college—I knew before that time I had been serving on nonprofit boards. I was, you know, the PTA president. I was speaking and doing some training on parenting and things like that—character-driven parenting as my kids were growing up—teaching on that and traveling some, doing that.

And I knew I wanted to do something of significance in the empty nest. I wasn’t sure what it was. And gradually the Lord just steered me in the right direction. And I can say that the most important thing I did was listen and obey.

Audrey: That’s—

Suzy: So that involved, on my part, Him prompting me somewhere and me saying, “Okay,” and pursuing it.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: You know, we live in a time where it’s so easy to get information, and so many people are willing to share. And I found myself in a situation of doing what I called informational interviews.

So I was like, “Well, you know what? I’ve always kind of liked fashion, so maybe I should sell cabi clothing. They seem like a great company.” So I went and talked to some girls who were doing it and followed them around, and I was like, “Uh, I don’t know. I mean, I think it’s great. I love fashion. I’m not sure it feels significant enough on its own. I think that’s really what the Lord’s calling me to.”

So, different things.

The Blogging Era and Noticing a Need

Suzy: And I knew 10 years ago was the advent of blogging—when people were starting to blog. It was not the influencers. It was not the content creators. People were just blogging. They were getting these websites, they were writing down their feelings, writing down their thoughts, and sharing it with the world. And people were reading blogs.

Much like with podcasts today, people were like, “Oh, do you follow this blogger? Do you need to read this blog?”

And so I thought—because in college I was a marketing and PR major. Journalism.

Audrey: Oh, wow.

Suzy: Triple major.

Audrey: Triple major.

Suzy: So I was like, “Why? I mean, I’m always going to write, and I feel like I have something to share.” So I was thinking about that—thinking like, “Yeah, things for me.” But I know—what do I have to talk about?

So at the time I noticed, as many of my friends were dropping off those last children in college, that many of them were feeling lost. I think all of us—me included—felt that sense of grief that accompanies that huge transition, but also a sense of loss, a longing for purpose.

Audrey: Yeah. I would think you would call that just a longing for mission.

Suzy: Yeah. And a need to see, “What does God have for me? How can God use me?”

Starting Empty Nest Blessed

Suzy: And so I started looking, praying—as I said, informational interviews. If I’d known you then, I would’ve been like, “Oh, we’re going to have a series of informational interviews, Audrey.”

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: Anyway—so really just talking to people and following the Lord’s leading.

And I had this idea to start a blog for empty nesters that had an encouraging, joyful take on it. And I thought, “You know what? All it’s really going to take for me is the willingness—and really the courage—to put myself out there.”

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: As I looked at what empty nester blogs were out there, many of them were sad. They were like, “I was curled up on his bed in the fetal position crying,” and I thought, “Okay. Okay. This is not what the Lord wants for you.”

I’m married to a very financial husband. He is very financial. He is a CFO. He’s a CPA. He thinks very bottom line.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And so he was like, “You know, we’ve got a third of our life left.” That’s basically the bottom line.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: I was like, “Okay. That’s a good way to put it. We have a third of our life left. How does the Lord want to use us, and what is the purpose?”

And so I just felt like, “I’m going to go on this journey and discover God’s purpose for me, and see if I can just take women along with me.”

Serving the Whole Woman in the Empty Nest

Suzy: So I started this blog and started doing things like—I would write a blog post about cooking for two rather than cooking for five, and here’s how you use a little two-quart crockpot instead of like the eight-quart one you used for your big family, and here’s how you modify your recipes.

And then I would make these videos and put them on YouTube or Facebook, and people would be like, “Oh, that’s great. Did you get that recipe out of a certain cookbook?” Or, “Hey, by the way, tell me about your earrings.” And I thought, “What’s going on?” At first I was like, “This is not the point of what we’re talking about.”

But then I thought, “You know what? People want to feel resourced. They just want to be resourced.”

And I realized that so many new empty nesters—because we really gave ourselves into that sacred calling that is motherhood—

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: —that is precious, and that calling from the Lord to raise up this next generation, to raise them well—feel like moms set themselves aside during that period.

And many, many moms then get to the empty nest stage and they are behind. They maybe don’t know how to do tech. They maybe have neglected their health and wellness. Often this coincides with perimenopause and menopause.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: So there are issues there. Maybe they have fallen out of the habit of exercising as they were busy with kids. Sometimes marriages suffer as there’s an over-focus on the children. Maybe their relationships—

So many of us at that 50-ish age are in the middle of that sandwich generation. We may have elderly parents that need attention—

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: —on down to those younger generations.

Sometimes we don’t know how to dress our body at 50. “I still want to look fashionable, but I don’t know how to dress this 50-year-old body,” or how to translate the trends to be what I would consider age-appropriate. You know, all those things. “I’ve got wrinkles on my face.”

So I just decided there was room to speak into just the empty nest woman, because that’s what I was. So it’s just made it really easy to be authentic. I just needed courage to say, “Okay, y’all, I’m having these wrinkles right here—now you see them—here’s what we’re going to do about that.”

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And share what I was using or what I was doing—whether it was fashion or beauty. So I decided to really focus Empty Nest Blessed on the whole woman, because women are so beautifully multifaceted. We love our families, but we love a good bubble bath. We love beauty products, we love cute clothes, and we love our husbands. And so I thought, “I’m going to talk about all those things.”

Empty Nest Blessed Mission Statement

Suzy: So that is how I ended up with Empty Nest Blessed. My mission statement with Empty Nest Blessed, right from the beginning, has not changed, and it was to encourage, inspire, and bless empty nesters.

And to me, that blessing encompasses serving them. So if I can help you find a Target sweater that makes you feel cute, I am thrilled. Because I feel like I’ve served you—because you don’t like to shop, or you don’t get out there, and you’ve never seen this Target sweater until I put it on.

This is, by the way, from Target—little puff sleeve, short sleeve sweater.

Audrey: Cute.

Suzy: Thank you. So that is the approach that I took. And I just started writing, and women responded, and it’s been 10 years, and I’m still going.

Audrey: That’s so great.

Suzy: And during that time, you know, I’ve expanded as my life’s expanded—as my boys both got married, as I became a grandmother. My topics have expanded.

The Empty Nest Isn’t a Destination

Suzy: And I think it’s so funny, Audrey. I’d love to know what you think about this, because I feel like when we’re younger, don’t you feel like we talked about the empty nest like it was a destination? Like you and I are going on a plane and we’re going to Paris, and then we are in Paris.

No, this is more like an around-the-world cruise. You more like got on a boat and then it took off, and you’re just in all kinds of different—it’s not a destination. It is a dynamic journey that you just embark on.

Audrey: Yeah. Do you feel that?

Suzy: Yeah.

Audrey’s Response: “I Wish I’d Thought About It Earlier”

Audrey: Yeah. And you know, for me—I mean, we’re not quite there. We’re pretty close. But I just didn’t think about it enough.

And we’ll get into Suzy’s book here in a minute, but one of the things I said to her when we were talking yesterday—just about things—she mentioned, “Well, I really feel like women need the book who might be struggling in empty nesting or maybe they’re just entering it.” And I said, “No, I think they need it 10 years before.”

It would’ve helped me to have interacted with some of these ideas earlier—to have put more thought into this stage of my life, because I just thought about the go-to-college, get-married, have-the-kids part. I didn’t really think a lot about the parenting-of-adult-kids thing, and frankly, I thought it would be a lot smoother.

And that’s not—you know, I have great kids. That’s mostly my problem, not theirs. But just thinking about each phase of life—thinking about what the future might bring and what you might want in that phase—is so helpful.

And we’re thinking more about it now. I mean, we’re doing a better job now, but it’s going to happen. It’s imminent. It’s in your future.

And so the more you can think about what that will look like—and for many women it means many years that their husband is still working full time.

And sometimes these women work. Sometimes they find work that’s meaningful for them, and that’s wonderful if they do. But I know plenty of women whose husbands have retired young, or they’re in their fifties, they’re empty nesters, neither of them is working, and they’ve said to me that they aren’t sure how to use their days.

They’re becoming really kind of overbearing grandparents—some of them—because they don’t know how else to use their time. And I’m always like, “There are so many ways God could use you.”

So I do really agree with you that it’s—and you’ve walked it—but I think because of your attention to it—

Your intention to understand it—and then all the interactions with however many hundreds of thousands of women that you’ve had and their feedback—has made you such an expert in this area, and able to reflect back. Because this is what I’ll say: as I was reading your book, it was like almost every page I felt like, “Oh yeah, that’s totally me,” or “I have exactly felt that way,” or “I have had that exact problem.”

So you really have hit on what some of those key pain points are and given some beautiful solutions. And another thing I really love about the book is that you give journal prompts—I think for every day, or most days. And so you’re providing your insights and you’re providing some answers, but you’re also encouraging us to be really self-reflective, which is so therapeutic and helpful, and helps us come to our own conclusions around that thing.

And some of them, it’s addressing pain points, but mostly it’s being optimistic—looking at the future, focusing on the good—which I think is so vital.

So I want to go back, if you don’t mind, to when you were a little bit younger. What caused you to study the things that you studied in college? And what did life look like for you as a younger mother?

Simply because we have moms of all ages listening, and I would like them to get a little bit clearer picture of what led you to that moment—and you said it was on your birthday—of dropping your last child off at school and hitting that wall. Wow.

So what, in your growing up years or your college years, gave you some insights on who you are? How did your own self-discovery journey—what did that look like for you in figuring out, “Oh, this is what I’m interested in,” “I’d like to know more about that”—that self-knowledge that aided you in your life?

Suzy on Intentionality and Being Called by God

Suzy: I think that’s a great question. And I think one of the things, as you were just talking, that I love—and that I think we’re so aligned in—is the idea of intentionality. Being very intentional.

The people that I see just willy-nilly wandering through life and just kind of going with their gut and reacting with their gut and not pausing to listen to the Holy Spirit—just not being intentional, not being thoughtful about responding.

And listen, I’m an impulsive talker as much as the next person, but I think that desire to live with intentionality—

So honestly, Audrey, I can remember from an early age, when I really came to know the Lord, just having an overwhelming desire to want to glorify Him, and yet not knowing what that was going to look like.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And so I remember just thinking this very—like—all I have to really offer is this thing.

Audrey: Yep.

Suzy: And all I have to offer is me.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: But I had a strong sense of what, of course, is throughout scripture: He equips whom He calls.

Audrey: Yes. Yep.

Suzy: And I don’t just mean that like, “You’re going to have a podcast, so you got a microphone.” I don’t mean equipped that way. I really felt like He gifted me the way He gifted me. He put the desires in my heart.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: If we’re truly given over and surrendered to the Lord, and our heart’s desire is to honor and please Him in all we say and do and think, two things are guaranteed.

Number one: we will fall short. We will live for ourselves. We will sin. We will gossip when we shouldn’t. We will make mistakes. We must repent and turn from that sin and do our best.

The second thing that’s guaranteed is that He will be faithful.

Audrey: Mm-hmm.

Suzy: If you desire to please Him, He will equip you to please Him.

Audrey: Yes. Yeah.

Suzy’s Upbringing, Gifts, and Learning to Say Yes Courageously

Suzy: So I think my own natural abilities and instincts—my upbringing. My family moved about every two years when I was growing up. So I was always in a new environment, always meeting new people. So I got good at just being warm, being friendly, being—

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: —I can talk to anybody, and I’m not intimidated. I’m not shy, because you couldn’t be. You won’t survive.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And so I think I saw the way the Lord brought my life circumstances to shape me, as well as my spiritual gifts—exhortation, discernment.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And my desire to encourage others, to build them up, to help them see what I could see when I looked at them—which is, “You just have so much to offer. Please share your gifts with others.”

Audrey: Yes—please.

Suzy: And I think I could see things—or that maybe it’s just the spiritual gift of discernment—but I could see that in them even if they couldn’t. So that combined with this desire to exhort.

The five love languages—my primary one is, guess what: words of encouragement.

So it’s just about who He made me, who He called me to be. And what I added was just the desire to honor and serve, to live in His will, and do what He wanted.

So I think being open, and then listening to His voice and being obedient—and when He put an opportunity before me, not saying yes to everything, but thinking very carefully before I would say no.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: Making sure it wasn’t a no because I was afraid.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: If it was a no because it was a little outside my comfort zone, or I’d never done it before, or it sounded a little scary and big—that’s not a reason to say no.

God Doesn’t Waste Anything

Suzy: So really, as I’ve done Empty Nest Blessed and as I’ve seen the Lord work in my life, I saw that He would bring me time after time into situations where I would learn, and He was setting me up for the future.

He literally—hear me on this—He does not waste a thing. Not a—

Not a miscarriage that I had. Not a sin that I committed that I regret.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: Not a conversation. Not a night of sleep where He woke me up—and it says in the Word He speaks to us in the night—and that He’s speaking to me, and I’m listening.

He doesn’t waste a thing.

And if you truly live with that mindset, you will listen and you’ll pay attention. And you will see Him. If it’s your desire and you pour out and ask Him, you will see Him everywhere, and you will see Him preparing you.

And so when an opportunity comes and you think, “I don’t know,” but then you just can fall back and go, “He’s equipped me. He’s prepared me for just such a time as this. He said, ‘This is the way—walk in it,’ and my job is to walk.”

And it’s such the sweetest way to live. I cannot tell you. It brings peace. It brings joy. It brings a sense of purpose and mission.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And it’s not perfect. My life is not perfect. I make mistakes. I misspeak. I sin. But I am sold out to my Savior—honoring Him with my life’s calling and my life’s work—and committed to serving others.

I think if I had one message that I want your precious audience to hear, it’s that if you desire for Him to use you, He will do it.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: If you desire—oh yes—and He’ll do it.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: He will do it. And your job is to take courage, be obedient, see what He’s done.

Practical Identity Work: “Describe Me in Three Words”

Suzy: And, you know, in a really practical sense too—let’s get practical—because one of the things I talk about in my book is moms come to the empty nest and they go, “I don’t know who I am anymore. Like, I studied these things in college a long time ago.”

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: I mean, you know, I told you my major was PR, journalism, and marketing. So I was in journalism—let me tell you, there was no internet, girl.

Audrey: There was no internet there.

Suzy: We were typing.

Audrey: Yeah. I tell my kids all the time, we went to the typing lab.

Suzy: That’s what we did.

Audrey: We did.

Suzy: We wrote papers.

Audrey: We did.

Suzy: And we were just grateful that we had automatic typewriters.

Audrey: Oh, yes.

Suzy: And they weren’t—

Audrey: Yep.

Suzy: Isn’t that funny?

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And just so grateful.

So anyway, I think it’s very, very important. I open my book this way because I think no matter where you are in life, the most important thing is to figure out who you are—and most importantly, who God says you are.

So I open the book with a chapter that tells you to do something kind of weird, and that is: text 10 people and ask them to describe you in three words.

Audrey: Oh, I love this exercise.

Suzy: And I did. I texted my kids. I texted my parents. I texted—And I shared this story about how I thought they were going to be, like, real bossy. And especially my mom was going to be like, “You’re wealthy,” you know, “bossy, opinionated, strong,” you know—whatever. I was expecting to hear all of these negative terms.

Audrey: Yeah. Yeah.

Suzy: And I already had tried to do this—as I went through the exercise. The first part of that exercise is really: write down what you think you are—like how you hope that you are, and what you are, and what you think your gifts and abilities are, skills, all those things.

So then when I get these words back, I hear words like “encouraging,” “motivating,” “persuasive,” “inspiring,” “confident leader”—all these things.

It was shocking. It just reframed everything for me. And I thought, “Lord, if this is what people think they see—I mean, I know I’m a hot mess or whatever—but if they think they see this, this is like a little bit of me and all You. So I can walk in that.”

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And He says, “This is the way—walk in it.” I can walk in that way. I can be that woman that people think I am because of my faith.

Who God Says You Are

Suzy: And then we go on in the book to talk about the importance of what God says about who you are, and I have a list of 50 things right from His Word.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: That He says you are beloved, and accepted, and—peaceful—and He rejoices over you, and you’re a daughter of the King—all these things.

So it’s a sweet, sweet list that you can camp on as your daily devotional for hopefully weeks and months.

Audrey: Mm-hmm.

Suzy: I hope so.

Audrey: Mm-hmm.

Suzy: I hope it’s encouraging.

The “Who I Was + What I Learned” Formula

Suzy: But I think too—I don’t know if you’ve gotten to the part in the book—but we take those words—things that you feel like you were, the gifts that you had before maybe you even had kids.

Audrey: Mm-hmm.

Suzy: Because you were a woman before you were a mama.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: So you take who you were as a woman before—what you were good at—and you think that through, work through that journal, through that—however you need to do it.

Then you take these words you got from others. You take what God says about who you are in Him. And then you start thinking about, okay, how long was I parenting?

You know, if you have one child, you’re talking 18 years—you were actively parenting. If you have multiple children—like we do, you and I—it’s maybe 25-plus years that you are actively parenting.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: So literally write down: what skills and abilities did you add or enhance during that time that you were fulfilling that very, very important role of a mother?

You probably became a better counselor. You definitely became a better driver. You probably became a better cook. All the things. If you were a flower arranger, you probably became more organized—what did you add?

So it really is like a formula: who I was before I had kids, what I learned during that time, equals who I am now. And if you can identify that, you are well on your way to figuring out your purpose and your mission.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And add to that all the beautiful things that you share with The Mission-Driven Mom about the seven laws and natural law and really understanding the great works—and you’ve got a woman that can contend.

Audrey: The World Needs These Women

Audrey: Yeah. And one of the things that kind of makes me sad when I talk to some of these women who are in that empty nest phase and feel lost is I just always think, boy, the world needs you so much more than you know.

And what I find—and maybe you find this too—is so many people selling themselves short. And frankly, I know that this false humility thing—where we conflate beating ourselves up with somehow being humble—those are definitely not the same things at all.

But also, alongside what you were saying, Suzy, I think sometimes we’re selling ourselves short, and actually the real problem is just a lack of faith—because we don’t trust the God who made us, and we don’t trust that He can use us.

And that He understood that equation from the beginning.

And so, in a very practical sense, echoing what you said: if someone comes up to you and says, “Is there something I can do to help you?” and they stick around long enough and let their will be known, you’re going to find a way to use their help.

This is exactly what God does with us.

This is why the first principle in my book—the first thing we talk about in the Academy—is just the concept of being willing, being submissive. Submission comes before mission. And it’s just recognizing that as clumsy and as awkward as you feel, you still are useful. You are irreplaceable in the space that you live in, and there is so much room for you to grow into more.

Audrey’s Pottery Story: Discovery Can Happen Later

Audrey: One of the stories that I love to tell: I went to a Fourth of July celebration in a park where they had little setups from colonial times, and one man was there busy with a potter’s wheel and showing kids how he threw pottery. Then he had a bunch of his work displayed, and you could purchase it.

And it was beautiful. He did gorgeous work, and he was clearly in his retirement years. And so I said—well, I just assumed—“How long have you been doing this? You must have been doing this for a really long time.”

He said, “Oh, just three or four years.”

So what happened? He said, “Well, I always was curious about pottery. I thought it would be fun to take a class. And so I finally just went ahead and did it. Turns out I’m really good at it.”

And he never would’ve known.

And here he was—60, 65-plus—when he discovered this incredible gift that he has. And now he travels around and shares this with children. It’s an income source. It’s a source of joy and relaxation for him. It’s a way to teach and give back and serve.

It’s all these beautiful things—mission-driven things—wrapped up in one. And that self-discovery never has to end.

And so I’m sure in your work—and I can ask you this question—what are you still discovering about yourself and about what God can do with you even in these empty nesting years?

Because it looks to me very much like you’re still facing fears, you’re still engaged in personal growth, and you’re still showing up every day, letting God use you.

So what’s that giving to you personally? We know that your work is blessing other people, but what’s it doing for you—how you see yourself and your relationship with God—and those kinds of things?

Suzy: God Doesn’t Need Me, Yet He Wants Me

Suzy: That’s a great question. Thank you for asking that.

I think more than anything, I am struck by the fact that God—who created the universe, who made mountains out of nothing, put the stars in the sky and the sun and the moon, and created my hand—He does not need my help.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: But He truly—this is truly how I feel—He literally lowered Himself to want me to help Him.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: It is such a supreme act of love.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And yesterday you and I got on the topic of talking about the sovereignty of God, and I think either you truly believe He’s totally sovereign, or you’re doing some sort of weird form of idolatry where you’re making God into the image of man and you’re putting limitations on Him.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And He’s totally sovereign. You can’t comprehend the sovereignty of God, truly. And it’s called a great mystery in scripture.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And so I think to answer your question: the older I get, the more grateful I become that He is choosing to use me. He does not need me.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: He can raise up out of stones.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: He can raise up another person to do my job.

Audrey: Yeah. Yeah.

Suzy: But He loves me so much that He wants to use me and partner with me. He is about my growth—my conforming into the image of Christ—my becoming more like His Son. That’s what He is about.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: The mission He can do—

Partnering With God and Believing You Have Something to Offer

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: So—nothing. I am just—yes—nothing. I am just so, so grateful. And so I love what you’re saying about partnering with Him. I actually think that He’s like, “Okay, I will use you.”

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: It’s almost like He said, “I choose you.”

Audrey: A hundred—okay. A hundred percent.

Suzy: Exactly. Yes. And He does not—I mean, this is not a partnership. This is like me going, “Really? Oh, wow. You’re—okay.” Well, yes, of course, but I know exactly what you mean. You’re not alone in it.

You can’t even begin to understand the load and the weight that He’ll carry, and the resources that He’ll provide that will show up.

And like you, the most heartbreaking thing I see—and you and I are so aligned in this—is women who do not feel that they have something to offer.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: As we are called to love others as we love ourselves, and consider others more important than ourselves, and to serve others through love—anyone can do that.

Audrey: Yep.

Suzy: If you come to the Lord palms up and say, “Do this. Show me how,” how things will fall into place. If that is truly the desire of your heart, He will give you—sorry, I keep hitting my microphone—He will give you the desires of your heart. He says that in scripture, and He will provide the way, provide the path.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: If you don’t feel equipped and ready, take Audrey’s course. Go through my book. Go through Audrey’s book. Be open, do the work, and see how the Lord has been preparing you and equipping you all your life. You didn’t see it, but you’ll start—the light bulb will go on. You’ll go, “This is it.”

Audrey: Yeah. This is it. Yeah.

Continuing Growth and Refining Over Time

Suzy: So how am I continuing to grow? Learning new things all the time. I’m curious. I’m learning new things. He puts challenges in front of me.

It’s like when you have a fingernail and you take your nail file and—you know, you don’t file the top where it’s already smooth. You file the edges where there’s like a pointy thing.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And so I feel like that’s what the Lord is always doing in my life. He’s like, “You’ve got a little pointy thing here, and it’s kind of a problem, and so we’re going to file on that for a little while.”

It’s funny too, because I’ve realized with writing this book—so I just turned 60 this year, and 60 feels super old.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: Like the number. When I was young, I always thought, “60. Now that’s old.” Like, that’s grandma age. Well, I am a grandma. But I didn’t think 60 was like this.

And I’m very aware and trying to be very thoughtful of the example I’m setting for my children and other young people I meet when I get to speak at colleges or whatever. I just want to set this example of this is what the last—according to my husband—third of your life looks like. Where you are making a difference.

And really the number one thing to make a difference is just be surrendered to God and trust Him to bring you the thing.

Audrey: Mm-hmm.

Suzy: And remember—when I was younger—did you do this? I remember being afraid that if I really surrendered and submitted, He was going to send me to Africa.

Audrey: Oh yeah.

Suzy: Scary, in solitary confinement, like Corrie ten Boom or something.

Audrey: Yes, yes.

Suzy: And it was going to be terrible. The Lord knew that this delicate flower could not handle that. It was not going to be my calling. There’s no mascara in Africa.

Anyway, I just—I was like, “No, I cannot.” And sure enough, the Lord equips whom He calls and He loves us enough to prepare us and prepare the way for us. And that’s what He did with me.

Audrey on Comparing Callings and Trusting Your Assignment

Audrey: Yeah. It’s funny—the hang-ups we have.

There’s a woman actually that came through my Academy, and the women that come through, they go on to do incredible things. This particular woman has bought some land in Mexico and she’s trying to establish an orphanage for Mexican orphan children—like a boarding school for them. And it’s really amazing.

And I remember a couple years ago having a conversation with her about her work, and getting off the phone and being like, “What am I doing?” Like, I just feel like I’ve got such a cushy life.

And I mean, we’ve gone down there and served an orphanage—I try to give back in those ways too—but I really had to do some soul-searching and make sure that I knew, “This is where I needed to be.”

And finally, I just—Lord and I talked it out again—and He was very clear: “You are to be the one that stays where you are and inspires the women where they are.”

And so it doesn’t seem hard enough or enough of a sacrifice. And then you have people on the other end, you know?

So it—we all have our hang-ups.

Suzy on “Toggling” and the Danger of Comparison

Suzy: Yeah. And I think there’s a little graphic that’s in my book—I don’t know if you’ve gotten to it yet—where I talk about toggling. You know how your iPhone, all of a sudden, is messed up, and you’re like, “What is happening?” And you investigate, and then you find one little switch was toggled the wrong way.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: This happened—I’m toggling things.

So anyway, I talk about: toggle on kindness. Toggle on compassion. Toggle off comparison.

God is working on you individually—remember, Creator of the mountain, sun, moon, all of that—so working in the lives of individuals. When you think of how many individuals there are, working in the lives individually of that many people, that’s nothing.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: That’s nothing.

Audrey: Yeah, yeah.

Suzy: Truly, totally sovereign. He can do that. So He is at work, and there is no comparison. Do not compare. But we tend to do that.

And I think we are in a situation and environment with social media where that is very common.

Managing the Message and What Silence Communicates

Suzy: And I notice that the things that I talk about, I can talk about, and people have opinions about. And sometimes they push back or tell me that’s awful, or they don’t agree, or they think it’s fabulous—whatever they think.

And then there are others—if it’s an area of life where I stay silent, they tend to fill in the blanks. And that’s the thing you learn in PR: beware of silence. Because when you’re not controlling the message—when you’re allowing silence—you’re giving permission to other people to fill it in.

And so there are things I’m just not going to talk about on social media. I’m pretty honest about a lot of things, but I don’t show my grandbabies’ faces because the parents have asked me not to. And I don’t talk about their names or who they are. We just don’t talk a lot about that.

Same with my parents. My parents have asked me not to talk about them or where they live or anything like that. So I honor that.

And so there are things I’m not going to talk about. But even things in my own life—people make assumptions based on what you don’t say.

And what I’ve noticed is usually they assume you are up here and they’re down here.

Audrey: Yep. Just because you’re sitting in front of a mic.

Suzy: Oh yeah. Or they think, “Surely I have it all together,” and they are a hot mess.

And I’m like, “Oh no. It’s probably the opposite. Opposite. But thanks.”

Audrey: The Adversary Attacks the Call

Audrey: Yeah. Honestly, as soon as I start—when I have really big challenges—the first thing that the adversary wants to say to me is, “Who are you to be The Mission-Driven Mom? Who are you to hold yourself up like you’ve got it together?”

And I shrink from the call. That’s the way he gets me, right? That I shrink from the call, like, “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t have any right to be doing this.”

And I’ve never claimed to have it all together. It’s not like I claim that. Definitely we are still struggling along. I have to live the principles I teach every day, and when I do, they help me. And when I don’t, then I struggle.

I totally, a hundred percent agree. It’s just—all that you and I are doing is trying to proclaim the message we feel in our hearts. That’s really what this is fundamentally about.

And I talk about that in the book. All these people that I studied—it’s fascinating—because they always end up talking about a message they feel they’re called to convey from God. They’re messengers.

And messengers don’t have to have it all figured out. And they don’t have to have all the answers, but you’re accountable for the message that you feel called to. So I have to deliver it or I’m not going to be able to live with myself. I’m going to feel like I’ve fallen down on what I was meant to do.

Suzy: Naming the Fight and The Screwtape Letters

Suzy: I love what you said about the adversary. And do you know the book that helped me so much identify the adversary in my life? It’s C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters.

Audrey: So good. So, so good.

Suzy: And that being said, in 2 Timothy, Paul does speak very frankly to Timothy, his son in the faith, and really explains to him that the three things that we really contend against as believers are the world, our flesh, and then it’s the adversary. It’s the devil.

Audrey: Yes. Yeah.

Suzy: Those are the three things.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: I find that very helpful to call it out. Like, what happened here? Was it the world? Was I tempted to fall into something I shouldn’t have? Was it my own flesh—most of the time that’s it—was it my own flesh? Or was it truly the adversary?

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: What was it? So anyway—Screwtape Letters. So good.

Audrey Shares Favorite Quotes and Transitions to Parenting

Audrey: Okay. Before we finish, I want to do two things. Because so much of this really spoke to me, I’m just going to read a couple of my favorite quotes.

Suzy: Oh, okay.

Audrey: And then I want to talk for a minute before we finish about the parenting sections and your journey in teaching parents before this all came about, and your journey in parenting your own adult children. And maybe, as we finish up, some counsel for empty nesters—but maybe other moms too—about what it’s important to remember.

And then of course, I’m just going to say it again: just go get her book. Even if you’re not there—get the book. You don’t have to do all the journaling. You could, you couldn’t, but it’s going to help you think about some things that you should be thinking about now that I wish I would’ve been thinking about 10 years ago.

Okay. One favorite quote: “Remember, just like any other season of life, the blessings of the empty nest accompany the challenges.” And I know that’s born from all of the pain you’ve seen in so many of the women that you’ve worked with, that you’ve influenced, because there’s so much about it that seems so painful.

I mentioned to you—I don’t know if I mentioned this or not—but I was recently on a podcast and we started talking about our families. And before we got on, he mentioned to me what so many people say: that they have grown children, and those grown children aren’t doing some of the things they want them to do, and his wife is constantly beating herself up about it.

And that is such a common tale. And when my first child started telling me they were struggling with their faith, I turned it inward. I just beat myself up like mad and tried to think of all the reasons it was my fault and all the things I had done wrong—even though we read scripture and prayed daily and went to church every week.

It’s not like we didn’t do the things. It’s not like I wasn’t trying to set a good example. And their journey is their journey. But again, I really related.

And it’s so simple, but it’s so profound and important to remember that there are so many blessings that accompany those challenges, that heartache.

And frankly, maybe a lot of those blessings are the personal growth that you’re going to experience as you work through some of your things—because that’s what’s happened to me.

And then another favorite quote is in this great expectations section—because that resonated with me: “I’m just going to come right out and say it: unrealistic expectations will steal your joy.”

Suzy: Steal your joy.

Audrey: I talk so often about how comparison steals your joy. It’s like a quote we use in the Academy. We talk about that—stop comparing, you mentioned that—stop blaming, all those things.

But I really didn’t get it until the last few years how much I was setting up expectations without even realizing I was doing it—how I was laying those on other people in very unfair ways. And it was stealing the joy that we could have been having in our relationship.

My own personal—anyway. Nailed it. Totally nailed it. So those were a couple of my favorite quotes.

Suzy on Expectations, Faith, and Parenting Adult Children

Suzy: Thank you. Yes—expectations and disappointment are huge. I’m actually really working on a blog post about that right now that’s going to come out in the next couple weeks on emptynestblessed.com, because I felt like I needed to write more about this.

We are expectant. And I love that hymn, “Come Thou Long-Expected Jesus.” And we are taught to be expectant. There’s so much prophecy in scripture—being expectant. I do think that is in our hearts. And the Lord baked that into our DNA, and we are to be expectant.

We look forward to heaven. We have expectations of what heaven will be like. It’s not going to be like what we think, but we still live in that hope of expectancy—of Christ’s return, or of our life in heaven, or whatever it is.

So I do think we’re hardwired to be expectant—

Audrey: And we’re future-oriented beings.

Suzy: We are. And that’s for a reason. And that’s a good thing—to have goals, to be intentional, to think about the future.

So expectations—when they are accompanied by disappointment—that’s when they can get you in trouble as a parent.

So I talk about: be very careful about not putting expectations on your children. Your job is to really say, “Lord, here they are. We did our best. You are right with us. We tried to be obedient sinners raising little sinners, and we give them to You, and You love them more than we do. You have a plan, and I trust You.”

And so it’s really an exercise in your own faith and trusting.

And really, if you’re going to have expectations—let me tell you—put them on yourself.

And I talk in the book about: I have two expectations for myself every time my kids come home.

One is that our home would be joyful and fun. That they would feel welcomed—loved, loved on, hugged—happy, excited to be home. I’m not going to compete with the in-laws for who gets you at holidays. I’m just going to make our house super fun so you want to come.

That’s one expectation I have for myself.

The second is: when my kids come, they will leave loved up. They will feel encouraged. They will feel happy. They will feel heard, listened to. I will not go in with my own agenda. I’m not going to go in with my own agenda. I’m going to be others-oriented. And I’m going to support them and be all about them—not shift the focus onto myself, but instead be in that support mode, being that joy booster in their life, not the joy buster that’s critical, or gives suggestions or advice that is not asked for.

Audrey: Yeah. It’s inappropriate.

Suzy: And let me tell you—you’ve got to be kind of hard on yourself when you become a parent of adult children, because you cannot—I cannot say this strongly enough, and I’m trying to be cute and fun about everything—but hear me now on this:

You cannot continue parenting your children the way you always parented them.

You are not to give advice without being asked. Do not give a suggestion, because that’s just another form of advice. Because they hear that as: you are incapable. You do not have the ability to handle this. I have to, and I don’t trust you.

Instead, it should be: “I feel like, with all you’ve gone through in your life, you have the ability to figure this out.”

And what you can bring to them as a parent—what their tribe, their friends don’t bring—is you raised them.

We were with our daughter a couple weeks ago and she was giving me this example: something happened with this friend and she tried to be a really great friend, but she wasn’t really reciprocating, and she wasn’t sure if she went too far.

And I said, “You know what? You have always been a good friend.” And I was like, “Back in second grade you…” And she was just like, “Really?” She didn’t remember that happened.

So you can tell these stories from their childhood and bring into the conversation: “Yeah, you were always like this. You were always fun-loving,” or “You were always so empathetic to others.” And yes—you are a good friend.

So in the book, at one point, I give 50 traits you can encourage in your adult kids.

And so I said to her, “You’re a good friend, and you are always a good friend. It is good to be a friend of Becca’s. It is good. And I hope I’m a friend of yours, honey, because you are such a good friend.”

And so that’s the second expectation. When they’re with you, they leave built up—feeling stronger, empowered, prayed for, loved on.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And so expectations—put them right here. Take them to the Lord and put them on yourself. Do not put them on your children.

He’s theirs—I mean, they’re His. And He is more than capable.

And if you keep taking them back, I would challenge you to work through that with the Lord, because it is a faith issue. It is a lack of trust in Him and His sovereignty and His love. And you need to work through that.

So that said, I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We all struggle with that. When we’re with our kids, we see things and we do tend to blame ourselves—whether it’s as simple as, “I didn’t teach them to be a very good cook,” or you see self-centeredness or impulsive speech or something that you’re like, “Darn it, we worked on that. How did this happen?”

And yet the Lord will work in their lives.

And I’m sitting here before you saying I’m 60, and you’re sitting where you are, Audrey—much younger than me—but we can both say the Lord is still at work refining us.

Audrey: Yes.

Suzy: And refining is hard work and it’s painful, and He uses fire, and it’s humbling—but He’s refining us. So He has that same plan for your children.

And you have to work—switching the way you parent. I’m telling you this strongly: you’re going to lose your children. You’ll lose them if you cannot change the way you parent and stop giving unsolicited advice.

And guess what? If you do that with your grandkids and start talking to them about the way they parent, you’re going to lose the grandkids too.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And this is serious. This is serious as a heart attack. You’ve got to work on this. And do the work.

Audrey’s Closing + How to Find Suzy

Audrey: Yes. Amen. Amen and amen. Such good advice. So many great things. Ugh. I haven’t been able to finish it. I’m just going to keep going through it, doing the exercises—such beautiful advice.

So, Suzy—where can our moms find you? Where can they get the book? What are some of your offerings? I know there’s a blog, there are other socials. Just tell us all the ways that they can be blessed by your ministry—which it really is a ministry.

Suzy’s Resources and Where to Get the Book

Suzy: Oh, thank you. I hope that it is. I hope all of life is our ministry, truly. And I think living with that mission-driven, ministry-driven mindset is so powerful. And He can use that. And I pray He does every day.

Audrey: Yeah.

Suzy: And I know He is using you, my friend.

You can find me—my home base is emptynestblessed.com. When you get there, do not expect that you’re going to have some sort of deep conversation that we just had. You will find that, but you’ll also find the fun fall fashion. You will find my favorite beauty devices. You will find my travel adventures. You’ll find 68 great date night ideas for empty nesters.

Audrey: Oh fun. I didn’t see that one.

Suzy: Wow. That was on my Instagram today—five fun fall date night ideas for empty nesters. And then I offered a freebie that you can get, which is 68 great date night ideas for empty nesters.

So you’ll see things that are for the total woman. And that does include parenting. It does include finding your purpose in the empty nest, but it also includes all these other things that we love so much—taking great care of our bodies, staying healthy and getting all your checkups and all those things.

So emptynestblessed.com. You can sign up for my newsletter there. I do a Friday fun newsletter. We do have a lot of fun on Empty Nest Blessed. I will mostly tell stories about myself doing dumb stuff—stuff like we closed on our house last Monday. This is the house we built in 2004. We raised our kids in.

I’m embarrassed to say that I was in there with my very manly husband or two very manly real estate agents, and I cried through the entire thing.

Audrey: Aw.

Suzy: Did not plan to. Didn’t think I was going to bawl through the entire thing. I mean like messy cry, not pretty. So I told that story in my newsletter this week. So I’m always telling crazy stories about myself that hopefully people feel better about how they are.

Anyway, so sign up for my newsletter. I’m on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube: @EmptyNestBlessed.

Audrey: Perfect.

Suzy: Embarrassingly easy to find—@EmptyNestBlessed. Emptynestblessed.com.

The book is emptynestblessed.com/book, or it’s on Amazon—audiobook read by me, or ebook, or hardback.

Audrey: Nice.

Suzy: Makes a great gift. But as you said, it’s new empty nesters all the way to longtime empty nest.

Audrey: And honestly, it’s going to be a Christmas gift to several people I know.

Suzy: Oh, thank you.

Audrey: And in this case—I mean, I’m sure the audiobook is wonderful, but the hard copy’s great, because there’s journaling pages all the way through. I mean, I’m a hardback kind of a girl anyway.

Suzy: I get it. Yeah. The audiobook does come with a workbook, so you will get that as well.

Audrey: Oh, nice.

Suzy: Well, and so that’s a helpful thing, I hope.

Audrey: Yeah. Yeah. That’s awesome.

Final Thanks and Goodbye

Audrey: Suzy, it’s been a joy. I am so grateful that you came today and spent the time to talk to us and share your wisdom. There’s so much more we can learn. Go follow her blog and get her newsletter so you can participate in all of the wisdom that she has to share.

So grateful for you and for your work. Thank you so much for being with us today.

Suzy: More to come with you, my friend. We will do some fun stuff—we’ve already talked about—on emptynestblessed.com.

Audrey: Yeah, that’ll be great.

Suzy: See you there. And praising the Lord for a sweet friendship with you.

Audrey: Yeah. Yeah. Grateful.

Suzy: Yeah.

Audrey: I feel the exact same way. Thank you.